It’s Spring in Whitstable!. Thank fuck for that!
It’s been an awful winter for me for a number of reasons, both personally and professionally. Early last month I was fired as Action Carpet’s Official SEO Consultant for the 4th time in 3 years! Just what I don’t need before my court case in April!
I think this time its for good, as what I did was pretty unforgivable. Alan has been pretty understanding and tolerant of my behaviour over the past 4 years. He stood by me when he caught me and his wife in a sordid cosplay sex game in his garage, then there was the Russian PBN link debacle, the fake Neg SEO attack and not to mention countless times where I fucked up various projects and tried to blame it on others. But what I did this time, I think is the straw that broke the camel’s back.
For the past 12 months, I’ve been actually doing nothing in terms of SEO for Action carpets, but still invoicing them for £3000 per month. The hardest I work in the month is when I have to detail what I’ve been doing for that £3000 per month. Bloody hard work this SEO business!
Alan found out that I was taking the piss from one of my “so called” mates, Clive Hearnshaw, who is the loser general manager at Games Workshop Canterbury. I was boasting to a few of the Friday Night Warhammer crew members ( Nigel Finch & Steve Ludlow ) about how much I was earning for doing fuck all, and the cunt must of overheard, got all jealous and sent Alan a tip off about my behaviour. Alan then employed a rival SEO company to audit the site and to check up on my link building activities over the past 12 months. As you’d expect, they had a list as long my mum’s tits, showing my incompetence as an SEO and passed the report onto Alan.
Alan was not pleased at all. Gone are the happy days where I could sit in my room, naked, and play Eternal Crusade all day. I might actually have to get a normal SEO job if I don’t find a new carpet / flooring client soon!
All is not lost though. Sharon, Alan’s wife, still comes round and visits me from time to time.
BrightonSEO 2017 Update
Everyday someone will ask if I’m going to BrightonSEO this April. Unfortunately I’ll be in court that week, so will miss the huge piss up and sex parties that often happens before and after the event (although I always seem to miss them).
I know that BrightonSEO isn’t BrightonSEO without Kevin Bland. So what I have done is arranged a little Twitter BrightonSEO treasure hunt, where you can get your hands on Kevin Bland merchandise. More details to follow.
I shall also be tweeting live updates from court during BrightonSEO, to let you guys know how I’m getting on.