Creating Awesome Content In The Online Carpet Niche


There isn’t a day that goes by without someone asking me

“Kevin, how the fuck do you keep creating awesome #RCS for the online carpet niche”?

In reply I always say the same thing

“It’s a gift and one that I am truly grateful for. I just have that knack my friend”

Well I try to keep the same response so that it becomes a little bit of a catchphrase for me, but most of the time I fuck up and miss out the bit at the end.

Anyway…. so I’m going to tell you how I keep creating stuff that get’s shared and attracts links to my client’s website.

First of all you need to get into the mind of a roll of carpet. It doesn’t have to be an object, it can be a person.

I know it sounds odd but whenever I create content around a subject, I like to try and get myself actually into that subject matter so I can feel its essence, it’s soul, it’s heartbeat. Once you have done that you can really communicate what it’s like to be that object and therefore create awesome content for that subject matter.

For example, I created an infographic about lesbians and the type of carpet that would suit them according to the colour and texture of their girlfriend’s pubic hair.

carpet munchers

To really understand this subject you have to immerse yourself in the whole lesbian thing, so I watched “Massive Muff Lesbian Minge Eating Cave Women” 1,2,3,4,5 and 6 in just one afternoon!

It really helped me produce the best content possible as well as giving me the most hardest erection that took like 12 wanks to get it flaccid again.

All these insights you will never hear at any inbound marketing conference, so think yourself lucky that you landing on this page!


The next thing that you have to do it invest in really good design. There’s no point in spending all that time researching and watching porn, and then producing a pile of shit that looks like a spastic with no arms has designed it in photoshop.

I design all my infographics myself and I’m sure you’ll agree that the year I spent on that MSpaint course back in 1998 at Whitstable Local Polytechnic was well worth the £128!

Whitstable College where I learnt how to become a master in MS Paint


Once you have the research and the design locked down, you need to get that badboy out into the internet.
The great thing about infographics is that it can get your client’s brand out there in front of thousands of SEOs and those SEOs will share it with their SEO friends and so on and so forth.

Before you know it, your infographic will have high quality links from websites that showcase other infographics and from every single SEOs private SEO blog.




This is vital for your future success when it comes to promoting content within boring niches. One tactic I like to do is to hand write letters to other SEOs, innovators within the niche I’m targeting and fit women on the team pages of websites that I’m trying to get a link on. Everyone sends emails, but no one ever picks up the phone or writes an actual letter.
This way of building a relationship works. I sent 2102 hand written letters out to potential linkers and I got a massive 67% response rate, by email. Ok 96% of them was telling me to go fuck myself, but at least they know me now and when I email them in future, they are more likely to link to me the next time.

Remember to invoice hard for every relationship that you build, as this method of link building comes at a premium.

Anyway, that’s all the knowledge I can hit you with today, as if I give you any more you could potentially fuck me up with my own skills and take my lucrative carpet client (£956.92 a month budget! BOOM!)

Thanks for reading.

Don’t forget to share my shit.

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